UNOFFICIAL FICTIONAL PARODY · DEMO ONLY · NO REAL SECURITY PRODUCT OR PURCHASE
The next-generation non-AI cybersecurity expert

No network.
No threats.

No artificial intelligence. No machine learning. We do not even rely on a network. A 100% network-threat defense promise. Please do not ask why.

Use free for 300 yearsSee how Waterwall works
0 cloud dependencies
0 network packets
0 useful websites
100% confident

Redefining cybersecurity

Traditional firewalls identify dangerous connections. We remove the connection.

In our internal tests, Waterwall achieved a threat-blocking rate of up to:

100%

This is mathematics.

How it works

Three steps to complete digital silence.

01

Detect connectivity

Waterwall checks whether your device can reach anything useful.

02

Eliminate the risk

The connection is removed before it can become convenient, productive, or dangerous.

03

Celebrate protection

A blue shield appears while your browser reports that every page is unavailable.

The Waterwall ecosystem

Everything you need to stop going online.

Hydration Engine™

Keeps the Waterwall metaphor adequately wet under enterprise workloads.

View compatible plans

Leak Protection™

Blocks DNS leaks, packet leaks, useful leaks, and signs of connectivity.

Explore protection

Disconnection Center

A dashboard showing every device that can no longer reach your dashboard.

Ask enterprise sales

Choose your Waterwall

Protection at unreasonable scale.

Waterwall Home

For households, personal computers, and very wealthy people who have run out of ideas.

$10,000
per device / year
  • CC Waterwall™ Core
  • Real-Time Network Elimination
  • Hydration Engine™
  • Leak Protection™
  • Maximum Protection Mode
  • Automatic internet blocking
  • Basic technical support*
  • 30 ms refund guarantee
*Support may recommend uninstalling this product.

Waterwall Enterprise

Next-generation infrastructure for the modern organization that cannot go online.

$10,000,000
per device / year · 100-device minimum · $1B minimum contract
  • Everything in Home
  • Enterprise Hydration Engine™
  • Zero Network Architecture™
  • Centralized Disconnection Management
  • Executive Dashboard
  • Enterprise Water Pressure Control
  • Premium Logo Placement
  • One extra process called “Enterprise”
Contact sales

Our famous guarantee

30 ms

Plenty of time to reconsider.

By purchasing, you acknowledge that the human nervous system may be unable to complete a valid refund request within the stated window.

The numbers speak for themselves

Measured with extraordinary confidence.

0remote packets accepted per second
100%of offline attacks remained offline
300 yrsof free trial, subject to availability

Why Waterwall?

100% Defense

Remote attacks face unprecedented connectivity challenges when the network is off.

No AI

Everyone else mentions AI. We do not have it, so we made that a feature.

Extreme Privacy

Your device cannot send data to the internet—including the data you wanted to send.

Zero Trust

We distrust attackers, websites, servers, routers and, ultimately, the internet.

Compare approaches

Security has never been this disconnected.

CapabilityTraditional firewallCC Waterwall™
Allows legitimate trafficUsuallyAbsolutely not
Requires threat intelligenceYesNo intelligence required
Works without internetPartlyExclusively
Threat-blocking claimComplicated100%, if nothing connects
Can open your emailYesThat sounds dangerous

Your 300-year trial is ready.

Waterwall has entered Maximum Protection Mode. Network productivity is now considered an optional dependency.

Enterprise sales

Our sales team has received your request and will avoid contacting you within 30 milliseconds.

Return to pricing

Frequently avoided questions

Need help?

How does Maximum Protection Mode work?

It treats every connection as a threat and every offline notification as evidence of success.

Will it really block every network threat?

Threats face significant connectivity challenges when the network is completely unavailable.

Which operating systems are supported?

Any operating system capable of displaying an offline message.

Can I cancel after 30 milliseconds?

You can try, but our finance department has probably already closed the ticket.

Do I need Dangerous VPN too?

Waterwall prevents it from connecting, which significantly improves its privacy.